HNT ~ Today I...

Today I had a meltdown.

A pretty rare occurrence for me - I generally operate on a pretty even keel, even through all the craziness my life.

The last week has been intense and upsetting, and this afternoon everything caught up to me and, quite frankly, overtook me entirely.

In order: an intense, mind-blowing, and yet ultimately puzzling night with Aiden; a very busy and stressful weekend, the news that three of the four women I spend most of my social time with are moving away this summer, the possibility of another stretch of time on my own, and a frustrating glitch in a plan for a party caused by someone who was supposed to be helping me. The last straw was a badly timed conversation with another friend who casually mentioned that he might be leaving town for work. Unfortunately for him, I kind of blew up in his face. Poor guy. I had to call back to apologize.... later.... after I calmed the hell down.

So... tonight, instead, I choose to love myself.

I am strong. I run. Today I ran up a hill seven times. It was easier than the last time, and it brings me one step closer to my half marathon in May.

I am part of a team. Whether it's my girls on the field, or my partnership, however strained, with my husband, or with my friends, no matter where they are.

I am beautiful. I have transformed my body from its former overweight, unhappy incarnation to the fit and healthy girl you see in that gorgeous corset. It's the hardest I've worked on myself ever, and I'm proud of my accomplishment.

So tonight, I'm over it.

Thank you for all your kind words and support - you all played a large part in making me feel a lot better fast.

Tomorrow, I'll be blasting a little Bif on my way to work...

*****

You left me like a broken doll

In pieces as I took the fall

for you, you dumb chump!

You left me free-falling like space junk

Burning up in the atmosphere of life

Well I sound like a philosopher

but I'm a fool who's off her rocker

'Cause I let you in my heart that one last time

I've had enough, made up my mind

I'm gonna get up and out and wahhh!

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

I'm cool, I'm calm

I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

Take another look at me now

'Cause it's your last look

Your last look forever

Well look at you you're all puffed up

In that big red truck- but you're outta luck (this time)

Well, that's tough

'Cause I'm on fire- too hot to touch

with a chatroom full of lovers on the line

Gonna step right up. Spit shine my soul

I'm gonna be proud and loud and outta control!

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

I'm cool, I'm calm

I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

Take another look at me now

'Cause it's your last look

Your last look forever

I'm lookin' in the mirror and I like what I see:

I've lost the fear & the horror that's been eating at me

'Cause being with you is like a hangman's noose

I was living my life in dead man's shoes

I've had enough. Made up my mind

I'm gonna get up and out and wahhh!

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

You're dead and gone

I'm gonna get my way

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

Take another look at me now

'Cause it's your last look

Your last look forever!!

~ Bif Naked

*****

Be sure to go by and visit Osbasso to say hi, and see who else is playing. Whew ~ that Mystery Guest this week!! Go. Look. You won't be sorry.