Songbird

Last week I went to see Fleetwood Mac in concert.  Amazing show. Some snippets...

She rings like a bell through the night and wouldn't you love to love her?
She rules her life like a bird in flight and who will be her lover?
All your life you've never seen woman taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven?

His hands skim over my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. We are in my big, soft bed, rolling together while a storm rages outside; and yet somehow the power inside the room is infinitely more palpable. We are cocooned together here, shedding our worries and our other lives to become something new together.

And it all comes down to you... well, you know that it does
Well, lightning strikes, maybe once, maybe twice
Ah, and it lights up the night
And you see your gypsy You see your gypsy

After a particularly long time apart (a vacation with my hubby) we had a particularly joyful reunion. He called me his gypsy girl as we lay together in the aftermath of our lovemaking. My hair was a wild, damp tangle, strands wound around his fingers, my head fitted perfectly into the notch of his shoulder, his other big hand cupped over my breast. It felt like our hearts were beating in sync as we snuggled together, laughing and talking and just reveling in the feel of each other's skin after three weeks apart.

Oh, can it be so, this feeling follows me wherever I go.
I never did believe in miracles, but I've a feeling it's time to try.
I never did believe in the ways of magic, but I'm beginning to wonder why.
Don't, don't break the spell, it would be different and you know it will

One afternoon we sat on the sofa in my living room, talking. (We don't always charge straight to the bedroom!) We were talking about work, and home, and music, and whatever else came to mind when he paused suddenly with a little half-smile on his face. I reached out to touched his face and he pulled me into his arms. It was the first time he told me that he loved me. I didn't quite believe him, though I wanted to badly. By the time he left that day, I knew he meant what he said. And said.... and said.... and said....

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I have days where the reality of my situation hangs more heavily than others. I feel intense sadness that my husband can't want me the way I need him to. I love him, I love our life, and I wish he could bring himself to touch me, to want me. I wish I didn't have to find that fulfillment elsewhere. And despite all that, I love Patrick with a depth and intensity I never believed possible. Our relationship rises and falls like the tides, not because we fall in and out of love; but because we can't always be together when we want to be.

If I could turn the page in time, then I'd rearrange just a day or two
Close my, close my, close my eyes
But I couldn't find a way so I'll settle for one day to belive in you
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

There was one sunny spring afternoon that Patrick and I took a lovely walk in the river valley. We hadn't been able to see each other all week, rare for us, so we were hard-pressed to keep our hands off each other. We walked together, with our arms wrapped around each others' waists, our steps in sync, the wind whipping my hair around our heads. We stopped at one point to sit on a park bench and I wistfully said that I wished I had met him years before. He laughed and said, almost nonchalantly, that he thought we would be together if we had. I had to bite my lip to keep from saying any more. I couldn't then, and still can't, bring myself to wish away his current life - his children - no matter how much I wish it were true.

For you, there'll be no more crying, for you, the sun will be shining,
And I feel that when I'm with you, it's alright, I know it's right

To you, I'll give the world; to you, I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you, it's alright, I know it's right.

And the songbirds are singing, like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before.

And I wish you all the love in the world, 

But most of all, I wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep singing, like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before, like never before.

It's maudlin, and it's sappy, and maybe it's even cringe-worthy, my very dear readers, but it's still true. This man is probably the love of my life. I can't have him, maybe I can't ever really have him; but for now, we make each other happy beyond anything either of us thought was possible at this point in our lives. And I'll hold that in my heart until forever. I know, I know. Very non-Scarlett Letter of me...

Great show Lindsey and Stevie and Mick and John. You brought back a lot of good memories. As always, your lyrics speak to my heart.