I have a hard time with Mother's Day.
Not because I don't like the idea - mother's deserve being celebrated at every opportunity - but because the day has lost meaning for me.
I lost my mother to cancer nearly 20 years ago, and I don't have children; so where do I fit into this 'holiday'? I do have a wonderful step-mother, whom I dearly love; but even though I bring her flowers and gifts to celebrate the role she has played in my life, it's just not the same.
My mom missed so many important moments in my life - my first full-time job, my wedding, my first owned home... and I don't have little ones to bring me sticky home-made cards and burnt toast in bed. I feel this void so acutely this time of year. I spent the morning reading everyone's Mother's Day messages on facebook, and then just couldn't deal. I found myself on the verge of tears the rest of the afternoon, and was mad at myself for succumbing to self-pity.
Why should I begrudge my friends and family the happiness of family?
Well, because I don't have it, I guess. My dad, once remarried, kind of immersed himself in his new family, understandably relieved at not feeling alone after the death of his wife. My brother is just... absent. My husband's family is distant, both literally and figuratively. So, while I'm surrounded by family, they're not really my family.
Yeah, the 2nd Sunday in May kinda sucks, for me. I'm always a little relieved when it's over.
I sincerely hope all the mother's out here in blog-land had a glorious day. I hope you were spoiled and pampered and showered in love and gifts (and hopefully not too much burnt toast!). Someday, somehow, I still hope to join your ranks.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave…
1 year ago
12 comments:
I feel the same way about my birthday. Back in the "depressed" teen years I once baked my own birthday cake from a crappy box mix only to find there was no icing, the next day is my oldest brother's birthday and he got his pineapple upside down cake. To this day my own birthday has little meaning to me.
I won't begrudge anyone their happy day. I just try to ignore mine but facebook and the fact that it will be posted at work is going to make 35 it little harder to duck out of.
That one day is also hard for me... sometimes I wish I had made different choices. Why not become a big sister/volunteer? (I know I'm thinking about it)
*hugs*
I can sort of relate (though my mom is alive and well but we are so estranged these days, it's like she's gone). I know you don't begrudge people but it's hard sometimes when we see others with something we wish we could experience. I hope you do get what you want someday.
All Holidays, but Hallmark holiday especially, tend to carry a burden of expectation that annoys me. 'Who the he'll are you to tell me who or what I should be appreciative of? Fucker.'. And the endless feed of meaningless Facebooks posts...uggghh. I still recognize the day. But under protest. I'm a catch huh?
Hopefully you made it through in good shape! I got faith you did!
i know it doesn't help much on days like yesterday, but I want you to know, without a doubt, that you are a treasured part of my life as a fellow-blogger and friend.
You are a friend to many, an inspiration to all (little miss 1/2 marathon), and someone who makes my day a better place.
Cheer up and join me on the 4th in the US, we'll blow stuff up and light things on fire together. Now that's a holiday....
*hugs* honey
I'm sorry to hear that Mother's Day isn't a happy day for you :-(
You're going to make a great Mom when you do join their ranks.
So sorry baby. While I still have my mom (right here under my roof) things change when you mom your mom and thus - the day kind of stunk from that perspective.
Sending you kisses love.
xx
So very sorry... I noticed someone mentioned becoming a Big Sister or something along those lines. Maybe visiting a nursing home to see mother's who have been forgotten. I don't know...I imagine it will always be difficult. But knowing you, always up for a challenge, I bet you'll find a way to make it better next year.
Sad to hear that. :-(
My wife hates all holidays. Thinks they are cursed. This Mother's Day was no different. Gastrointestinal distress for her and the kids, cat vomit on the freshly cleaned carpet, a horrible driving experience, a zoo trip foiled by a lack of parking, and a kid that just wouldn't shut up added up to a truly wretched day for her.
And she managed to mess up her herniated discs in her back again before she went to bed that night.
I did my best as husband and lover, but sometimes it just ain't enough.
Hope you're feeling better 'bout things.
(((hugs)))
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